support in being sick?Okay I have just turned 27 years old and I am in a not so stable relationship.I think hes just with me for convenience we've been together since 2004, at first everything was fine but now its just very cold repetitive. I have had hiv since about 03 which he knows about. everything was fine at first cause i was vegan,working out , really taking care of myself. but somehow i fell off, started experimenting with drugs and drinking tons of alcohol, partying every night,eating junk food and chain smoking.
i currently have an opportunistic infection which makes me feel like i might not make it for very much longer. which i have come to terms with. The problem is my boyfriend ..I just do not feel like he cares..it seems as if its just a burden to him.. this is the third day of me being really sick and he has not once asked me how i was feeling today, unless i bitched about it and said "Ohh thank you i'm doing fine" when he was leaving for work or something. It may sound mean but i find it meaner to not want to know how your sick "other" is doing. So anyways he comes home last night with two 6 packs of beer and the first thing he does is jump on this game he plays called ever quest. Its a nightly routine for him, Neverr once did he ask about me or come to check my fever or rub my head, or tell me everything was alright. About 4am this morning he comes to bed and lays down with his back turned to me. I confront him about how i feel. and he just kinda makes this snide "Uhh huh"remark as if to say whatever. i try to get him to talk about it and he just ignores my feelings. i tell him i'm afraid and need to be told everything is okay. he could care less. Can u see my dilemma.? Maybe i have stayed with this guy too long..
last year i dealt with shingles at age 26.and all of you who know what shingles is its what happens when a recurrence of chicken pox reappears and boy it is painful, very painful. it happens to older people usually 50 and over but because my immune system is low i got it.. I survived without seeing medical attention because while being near a doctors office i said i need to go in..He got an attitude and said well i cant stay here with you if you stay here..maybe i should have known then that it was over. i'm in pain out of my mind and all he can think about was going home and playing his everquest game.
Its not like he had to take care of me 24 seven its not like he has to pay my way as i have my own job.And even my coworkers are more concerned then the person i spent so many years with. But this time its different i feel like my life is really in dilemma here, and i will not let this person see me die..Im not safe with him. I might need to go home to my mother, and trust me if i ever ever get better i will live life once again healthily, and actually try to prolong my lifeline.
I would rather be alone then with this cold person..he refuses to talk so i can hear his side, he says he does care, but if he doesn't speak i cant read his mind so i'm left with my own conclusions. Maybe hes too scared of sickness, maybe hes to stressed to deal with it, or maybe he just wishes id die already..
what do you guys think..? and is it wrong to expect reassurance and comfort from him..? also i had named him on my life policy if i should pass, i am thinking it might be good to take him off.
Answer by Charma
I think you need to start taking care of number one - which is you!
If your health is on the decline, then you need to start investing all the energy you have into getting better. This can't be done when you're constantly worrying yourself on whether or not you're as important to him then his game.
It's not wrong to want reassurance and comfort, Maybe this is his way of dealing with it. I don't know, either way it's not doing either of you guys any favours.
Go back to your mum and get your health back on track.
As far as the life policy goes, It's a tough one but a personal one, Only you know what the answer is to that one.
Stay strong, I wish you all the best in your recovery. :)
Answer by RandomAct
First of all I want to tell you I'm really sorry to know you have so many difficult medical problems. We all need love, comfort, and support when we're sick. He may be feeling overwhelmed by your condition. It's hard to know since he won't talk to you about it. I think what he's not saying says a lot about him. You deserve care, support and love from someone who loves you. I think you've already figured out that you need to go home to your mother, if for no other reason than to give him breathing space and see what happens. He'll either come through for you in a big way or he won't. Then you'll know for sure. I hope he is the same person you fell in love with years ago and I think you owe it to yourself to get in a more nurturing living environment and see what develops.
And yes, I think you should change your life insurance policy. You can always change it back if things work out. If they don't work out then you certainly don't want him to benefit for his uncaring attitude.
Good luck. I hope you feel better soon.
Get the facts on the chickenpox vaccine, treatment, causes (varicella zoster virus, VZV), symptoms and signs (itchy, red rash).
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